“My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.”
― Amy Sedaris
“You know when you watch old movies, it’s always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.”
― Amy Sedaris
“We’re all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I have always wanted a bunny and I’ll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.”
― Amy Sedaris
“But I always like to play ugly people who think they’re pretty.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I am an aging Girl Scout.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I wouldn’t call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I’m such a homebody, it’s important to be surrounded by things I love.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m always more attracted to the unattractive.”
― Amy Sedaris
“Books are challenging and inspirational to me.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I’m gonna do it, and I’ll see what riff raff is around. Then I get that last-minute surge of energy. But if I had two weeks to plan, sometimes I wish I wasn’t doing it. But very seldom does that happen.”
― Amy Sedaris
“If I’m creating something for myself, then I want to have fun.”
― Amy Sedaris
“My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they’re attractive.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I think it’s still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you’re supposed to ‘be’ this person, you know? So then its like, if I’m really this person, how can I be in the moment if I know there’s just one line I’m supposed to say? It doesn’t feel natural. I always just kind of want to say whatever comes up.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I feel so free and open to ideas, and I get inspired by everything.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’d just much rather see an ugly person take the trash out than see somebody really pretty taking the trash out.”
― Amy Sedaris
“If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that’s not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there’s something around me protecting me.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I have no desire to carry a movie.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I always find something to keep me busy.”
― Amy Sedaris
“It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren’t really that high.”
― Amy Sedaris
“They just expected it to you know… Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?”
― Amy Sedaris
“David and Dad didn’t get along too well growing up. I mean we all got along, but it was harder on David, because David wasn’t going to be the son that Dad wanted. But now they’re like best friends.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you’re stupid.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m not a first-place person.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m not ambitious.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I live in the moment.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I just like to have the ideas. Other people can help see them through.”
― Amy Sedaris
“My characters always like themselves.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’d rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That’s perfect for me.”
― Amy Sedaris
“Whenever I do your show, sometimes I get a little check in the mail and then I take that check and buy a new pair of shoes, and then I wear those shoes the next time I do your show.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I swear I want to be a food model.”
― Amy Sedaris
“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.”
― Amy Sedaris
“Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it’s this new arts channel, it’s really great.”
― Amy Sedaris
“My kitchen’s pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it’s eye level – it’s true! – and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it’s right there.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color – it’s an old lady color.”
― Amy Sedaris
“But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I stayed in New York City for the first time, I’d always wanted to do that.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I really don’t like going out. I don’t like restaurants because I don’t like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I’ve always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.”
― Amy Sedaris
“More men than women like ‘Strangers With Candy’. Pretty girls don’t like the show. They don’t like to see an ugly lady.”
― Amy Sedaris
“People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I’m like, ‘I don’t really know anything about that stuff.’”
― Amy Sedaris
“Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you’d get your supplies, and then you’d use your imagination.”
― Amy Sedaris
“When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, ‘Why don’t you make it yourself.’ It’s like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That’s not making chocolate-chip cookies.”
― Amy Sedaris
“You think in a different way when you don’t have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they’re a little naive – you made it because you needed it.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like working with the public, and I like that it’s really hard work.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I wasn’t a cliquey person, and I think that’s because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn’t like.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn’t be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievement, and I ran track and field. My grades were good, but then toward 11th grade they were nothing. I always went to summer school.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I always knew I didn’t want kids, and I didn’t want to get married.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I have a couple freeloader friends, but it’s okay. I know they’re gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.”
― Amy Sedaris
“Usually I’m the one asking somebody to do something because I don’t know how to finish it. I’m like, ‘Do this for me’ because I’m just resistant to learning.”
― Amy Sedaris
“There’s humor in everything. There’s gotta be humor in everything.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like to entertain in all aspects. When you’re with somebody and you’re out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they’re bored, and you’re in a convalescent home, there’s something entertaining about that, in a way.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like to just make things… If I have the TV on, I’m not just going to sit there. I want to do something with my hands; I’ve always got a project. Or I get a small group of people over, and I say, ‘Let’s make these things today.’”
― Amy Sedaris
“A lot of crafters, they’re shut-ins.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I have a very muscular face.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it’s different when you’re sitting down and writing it out.”
― Amy Sedaris
“Don’t make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you’re really good, or it’s going to be really practical. If it’s a little thing you think is cute ’cause you made it, just forget it.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someone’s yard on the way home from school, I would go to the end of the block and turn.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like to play unattractive people who think they’re pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I’m drawn to people who look different. I’m not exploiting. I’m not making fun of them. I’m drawn to them.”
― Amy Sedaris
“Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I’ll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as ‘the baby’s room,’ which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby’s room because it confuses people and it’s creepy.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I can’t imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school.”
― Amy Sedaris
“If I know I have to memorize lines, I’m really gonna try to memorize lines. It’s hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you’re trying really hard to get them the way they said it.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I love cop shows and crime books and thrillers, and before I die I’m gonna play a cop.”
― Amy Sedaris
“People always think I’m Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.”
― Amy Sedaris
“People that know me know that I cook. I cook every night.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.”
― Amy Sedaris
“When I’m by myself, I never play music. I have a lot of it, for a girl, but I don’t listen to it a lot. I hate picking music out; I’m not good at it.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I’m picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the ’50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays – the new stuff just looks too good.”
― Amy Sedaris
“A lot of times girls think they’re funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.”
― Amy Sedaris
“I want witchcraft so bad that I can’t stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, ‘See, magic happens.’ Works every time.”
― Amy Sedaris
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