Dane Cook Quotes

“I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there’s truth to it – being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you’re working smaller clubs, you’re listening. You’re feeling an energy, you’re going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.”

― Dane Cook

“When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m a late-night guy.”

― Dane Cook

“When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.”

― Dane Cook

“We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.”

― Dane Cook

“Here’s the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they’ll let you know that’s not how you do it. They want – if it’s comedian, if it’s a musician, bring us your best show.”

― Dane Cook

“When you’re on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone’s stifling their laughter. You’re looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.”

― Dane Cook

“If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m shooting a pilot based on my show. It’s a one-camera show. I play myself.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.”

― Dane Cook

“I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.”

― Dane Cook

“Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.”

― Dane Cook

“Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.”

― Dane Cook

“I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I’d get into psychology.”

― Dane Cook

“As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my perspective. And I think that we forget sometimes that that’s the oath that comics take, that we will go up and share everything – the irreverent, the scary.”

― Dane Cook

“My nickname for my mom was ‘The Compass.’”

― Dane Cook

“I don’t know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.”

― Dane Cook

“I get so into the moment.”

― Dane Cook

“I’ve lived in LA for so long, I don’t even know what is real and what isn’t any more.”

― Dane Cook

“Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m quitting the business today. I’m going to open up an appliance store, I’ve always really been into toasters. I’m giving it all up.”

― Dane Cook

“I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.”

― Dane Cook

“That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.”

― Dane Cook

“In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.”

― Dane Cook

“Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!”

― Dane Cook

“I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don’t think I’m funny.”

― Dane Cook

“My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.”

― Dane Cook

“I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.”

― Dane Cook

“When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.”

― Dane Cook

“I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it’s so different from standup.”

― Dane Cook

“You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.”

― Dane Cook

“Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He’ll come to a lot of my shows. It’s not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.”

― Dane Cook

“I don’t write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.”

― Dane Cook

“I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people – how they act and such.”

― Dane Cook

“I don’t laugh out loud at comics a lot.”

― Dane Cook

“My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.”

― Dane Cook

“I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.”

― Dane Cook

“There’s always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.”

― Dane Cook

“No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it’s the worst… when you think you’re drowning.”

― Dane Cook

“In the year 3000, everything will be instant.”

― Dane Cook

“I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I’d always say ‘Why not me?’”

― Dane Cook

“I’m focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.”

― Dane Cook

“I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.”

― Dane Cook

“I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I’m not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something’s bad.”

― Dane Cook

“When something’s good, I’m not an over-celebrator.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.”

― Dane Cook

“I don’t have to do anything for anyone else’s benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.”

― Dane Cook

“The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.”

― Dane Cook

“You’ve gotta share what’s going on in your mind.”

― Dane Cook

“People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.”

― Dane Cook

“I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I’ll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.”

― Dane Cook

“I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.”

― Dane Cook

“I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.”

― Dane Cook

“I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I’m sort of a performance rat.”

― Dane Cook

“I love being on stage if I’m not on a set. If I’m at home, I’m usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I’m ready willing and able to give it a shot.”

― Dane Cook

“I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I’m a guy that has love of the game.”

― Dane Cook

“My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He’s in jail now.”

― Dane Cook

“I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don’t work off a set list; I like to keep it more in the moment. I like to have information about where I’m going, what might be happening in that particular region as well. I like for people to feel like the show is for them.”

― Dane Cook

“If haters or whatever want to find you – I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. They’re very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.”

― Dane Cook

“I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.”

― Dane Cook

“I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids.”

― Dane Cook

“My mother had a lot of phobias. She’s pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically.”

― Dane Cook

“I had the humble beginnings. I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.”

― Dane Cook

“When I’m looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don’t look to congressman or my mayor. I say, ‘What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?’”

― Dane Cook

“I’ve always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that’s why I wanted to do comedy.”

― Dane Cook

“I’m completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence.”

― Dane Cook