Steven Crowder Quotes

“Standardized tests don’t care if you’re white or black, short or tall, or even the rate at which you learned the course material. At the end of the day, all it cares about is whether you know what you’re supposed to know. It can’t be cheated, bent, or bargained with.”

― Steven Crowder

“If you’re unhappy with your circumstances, then change them. Don’t blame the government or your boss or the guy down the street who’s better looking than you (exceptions include Hugh Jackman and George Clooney). Just take some Pepto-Bismol and be a man (or woman, for all of you bullish feminists).”

― Steven Crowder

“I know everybody says that their bride was the ‘most beautiful in the world.’ They’re wrong. I win.”

― Steven Crowder

“At the end of the day, when I kick back with some barbecue and a CokeZero in front of a blockbuster film playing within the convenience of my fully air-conditioned house, I’ll say a small prayer thanking God for the American culture.”

― Steven Crowder

“How can the country that created electricity, the light bulb, modern cinema as we know it, and the Oscar Meyer Weenie Whistle not be purely awesome?”

― Steven Crowder

“Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.”

― Steven Crowder

“When it comes to efficiency, standardized tests almost sound heaven-sent.”

― Steven Crowder

“Folks, it’s okay to find flamboyant homosexuality funny.”

― Steven Crowder

“It’s no secret that the environmental movement is ultimately designed to create new inroads into increased government control. All of the shots taken at emissions, the dependence on fossil fuels, and noise pollution are designed to paint those things as symptoms of a problem, with the government able to step in as the solution.”

― Steven Crowder

“All of my videos, everything I upload is short and edited.”

― Steven Crowder

“I consider myself to be a man with my priorities in order.”

― Steven Crowder

“The message bombarding young adults from the leftist cultural elite is clear; you should think for yourself… by adopting my beliefs as your own.”

― Steven Crowder

“People come to this country because they view our culture as the best. It is a culture free of persecution, a culture free of oppressive government, and above all… a culture of really, really cool stuff.”

― Steven Crowder

“North Korea is really just the kid who decided he’d be ‘all out crazy,’ hoping people would be scared off by the tirades and avoid stepping up to the plate.”

― Steven Crowder

“For years, young adults have adopted extremely liberal world views in their attempts to be different, ultimately failing to see the irony that they’ve all become the same.”

― Steven Crowder

“Is discipline (both mental and physical) in place of coddling truly child abuse? I don’t know, but it sure as hell is effective.”

― Steven Crowder

“Everybody has an angle. The only time I say no to an interview is when someone says they don’t have an angle. I know right away that that’s not honest.”

― Steven Crowder

“More often than not, people who are poor… are right where they should be.”

― Steven Crowder

“Looking back, when I was fourteen, I aspired to… be the best believer, husband, father, businessman, and man of integrity that I can be.”

― Steven Crowder

“Listen, one doesn’t need to be religious (nor a rocket scientist) to see the value of abstinence.”

― Steven Crowder

“I’m guessing that ability to withstand peer pressure and adhere to one’s values might translate to the kind of backbone necessary for a successful lifelong relationship.”

― Steven Crowder

“Nobody likes being broke. As somebody who’s had to live out of a 1982 Datsun, trust me. I know. I also understand that the first step to improve your situation is to fix the problem that landed you there in the first place.”

― Steven Crowder

“Needless to say, oftentimes a ‘religion’ is not needed to breed extremism. People breed it all by themselves, oftentimes with the subjective morality of modern secularism breeding the worst kind.”

― Steven Crowder

“When men get together, they moan about their wives. The commentary provided on marriage between groups of men is typically one from a viewpoint that assumes marriage to be life’s greatest, most unfun mistake. Not only is it often as disingenuous as Joe Biden’s hairline, but it’s incredibly harmful.”

― Steven Crowder

“Even though ripping on those of the Christian cloth is nothing new, edgy, or thought provoking, Hollywood feels the need to do it with each of their religiously overtoned talkies.”

― Steven Crowder

“Unless taught otherwise, children are the most selfish, oblivious little Philistines on the planet. They have no family, no job, no responsibilities, and nothing but time to think about their gluttonous, sticky selves. We should be teaching them to take some focus off of themselves and onto how they can best serve/treat others.”

― Steven Crowder

“We had a severely autistic kid in my class, and I was always picked last in gym class, even after him. Naturally, that made me feel pretty bad as an eight-year-old.”

― Steven Crowder

“’America has no culture!’ is a phrase that we’ve all heard many times in our lives. As is often the case, a lie repeated often enough becomes an assumed truth (kind of like the tall tale of Janeane Garofalo being a comedian).”

― Steven Crowder

“Not only have individual politicians and celebrities personally condemned your automobiles for being too messy, noisy, and harmful to the common good, but they’ve tried to affect the natural market through taxes on larger vehicles along with incentives and quotas for ‘greener’ cars.”

― Steven Crowder

“Strength training is a fantastic microcosm for a man’s life: pushing yourself through discomfort, every single day, is the only way to make measurable progress. It’s one of the few ways to grow as a man.”

― Steven Crowder

“Ever since my grade school days, as I mastered the art of ‘faking sick’ and I stumbled across ‘The View,’ I’ve been confusedly asking myself the same question… How do these dumb broads remain gainfully employed?”

― Steven Crowder

“Contrary to what most of Hollywood will tell you, the men and women of our armed forces are the best among us. Not only because of how they serve, but because they are able to find the best in each other… And they are able to encapsulate the best in all of us.”

― Steven Crowder

“Here’s my challenge to the real men out there; it’s very simple. If you have a good marriage, talk about it. If you love your wife, say it. If some moron tells you that you’re merely a ‘newlywed’ or that you’re still just ‘too young to understand,’ correct them.”

― Steven Crowder

“Unless those of us who love our wives (and thus, our lives) make a conscious change to the way we speak of them, unless we begin choosing to elevate and praise our spouses instead of denigrate, we will be letting an incredibly corrosive, self-perpetuating societal meme destroy the very institution that defines our lives.”

― Steven Crowder

“If you tell Canadians that you want to interview them for a critical piece on the Canadian healthcare system, they’ll put on their best trophy-wife smile for the camera and list its many accolades. Catch them on a day with their guard down in need of actual care, however, and the truth comes out.”

― Steven Crowder

“Whether it’s spending more time and money at thrift shops for threads (anti-consumerist threads, mind you), or combing the record store for the most unknown/least coherent band they can find, there’s one thing that hipsters constantly want you to know: that they are better than you.”

― Steven Crowder

“There are a lot of misconceptions regarding the Bush tax cuts, all of them deliberately propagated by none other than President Obama and his pals. The biggest lie of them all is that these tax cuts will only affect the wealthiest two percent.”

― Steven Crowder

“When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans peddling their pathetic world view as ‘progressive.’”

― Steven Crowder

“Who’d have thought that living life like a dime store floozy throughout your formative years could negatively affect your decision-making ability or long-term, future relationships?”

― Steven Crowder

“Sadly, marriage has become a punchline in today’s society. From referring to the wife as ‘the old ball and chain’ to nearly every poorly written sitcom that we watch, the message we’re sending to today’s generation is clear… Marriage = no fun.”

― Steven Crowder

“I know plenty of people my age that will never get married because they genuinely believe the false cultural meme that marriage has sadly become. There’s only one problem. It’s completely untrue.”

― Steven Crowder

“As someone who comes from a family of lifers (along with my wife), I just want to say, flat out… Marriage is a really good deal.”

― Steven Crowder

“Whether you’re young old, male, female, marriage (when done correctly) will make your life – and this country – better off.”

― Steven Crowder

“I can tell you beyond any doubt, that my lady is able to control herself and stick to her values regardless of circumstance. Just as surely, she can say the same about me (Ben & Jerry’s benders notwithstanding).”

― Steven Crowder

“Living in N.Y.C. has truly awakened me to the New York elite and their penchant for the city’s self-described brilliant public transit system. I think it sucks… just like public transit always does.”

― Steven Crowder

“It would almost seem that – dare I say this – private transportation is more efficient than mass public-transit!”

― Steven Crowder

“Real or not, when a person denies God, they often try and fill that higher power void with something else.”

― Steven Crowder

“Religious extremism. We hear about it all the time. We see it all the time. Heck, most of us are just sick of talking about it all the time.”

― Steven Crowder

“The topic of Sarah Palin has been open season to the media, entertainment industry, and club comics alike.”

― Steven Crowder

“Every manly icon the West has ever admired has embodied the very spirit of American independence.”

― Steven Crowder

“My father (like most fathers) always taught me that a man is someone who stands by his principles, someone who lives with integrity and puts his family before himself. That last one is important, because as a young boy, it’s your pops who provides you with security.”

― Steven Crowder

“Liberals don’t believe in the ultimate concept of self-reliance, which is why they look to the government for stability.”

― Steven Crowder

“Men get together, and they complain about their wives because it’s what they feel they’re supposed to do. It’s as phony as your frat-buddy’s stupid tribal tattoos, and everybody knows it.”

― Steven Crowder

“Whether you see Jesus as nothing more than a mythical figure or not, there’s no doubt that living your life in a Christ-like manner is a lot harder than the hedonistic lifestyle reflected in Hollywood.”

― Steven Crowder

“Preaching Christian salvation is to preach moral absolutes. Hollywood no likey.”

― Steven Crowder

“Essentially, Robin Hood put a smackdown on the medieval equivalent of the IRS.”

― Steven Crowder

“Hipsters. We all know one. They’re those fun, little, arrogant people who let the ideal of ‘anti-consumerism,’ combined with a hatred for all things normal, dictate their every action.”

― Steven Crowder

“Call me old-fashioned, but it’s always been my firm belief that a teacher’s job should be for each of his or her students to finish the year with a grade of 100%.”

― Steven Crowder

“In an increasingly complex world, with courseloads becoming heavier and heavier, shouldn’t we be opting for more accountability when it comes to our professors, not less?”

― Steven Crowder

“A four-year-old should have no self-esteem, and for good reason. What could he have possibly accomplished in his life to justify esteeming oneself so highly?”

― Steven Crowder

“At the end of the day, if you’re not spanking your child and instilling in them the ideas of selflessness, servitude, and wisdom, you’re probably looking at a future P. Diddy in the making (maybe even a Keith Olbermann – take your pick).”

― Steven Crowder

“The truth is that the gossip-hounds in Tinsel Town and the cackling windbags at ‘The View’ don’t want civility. They want catty (or dare I say it gay-ish) gossip and sensational headlines that provide them with an opportunity to hop on the bully pulpit.”

― Steven Crowder

“When it comes to the liberal agenda, it’s more important to pigeonhole people than it is to speak the truth.”

― Steven Crowder

“Say what you want about George W. Bush, but the guy is a man’s man. He means what he says, and he says what he means. Whether you agree with the Texan or not, at least one always knows where they stand with him.”

― Steven Crowder

“Often, my liberal Canadian brethren will claim that ‘Canada doesn’t get involved in foreign affairs or wars overseas. We turn the other cheek.’ No. Canada doesn’t have the military might to exercise any option other than to remain uninvolved. They aren’t turning the other cheek. They’re pulling a Sweden.”

― Steven Crowder

“A prime example of ‘turning the other cheek’ would be the United States allowing Canada to exist as a country. Sure, we could take over Canada with ease. We’d certainly benefit from conquering a country rich in natural resources and never-ending comedic talent. Instead, we decide to make friends and treat them with the utmost respect.”

― Steven Crowder

“To all you men out there who want to use turning the other cheek as an excuse for your weakness… man up! Develop yourself to the point that you are powerful enough to face any conflict in your life head on and without trouble. Then, use your newfound confidence to avoid the conflict.”

― Steven Crowder

“Tinseltown really likes to think that they have a handle on all things ‘love.’ After all, they’ve turned it into a billion dollar industry with romance films, trashy TV shows, and ‘who’s-dating-who’ tabloids.”

― Steven Crowder

“The Western world needs to ally themselves against the evil that is political Islam. To unite with its practitioners would be to unite with evil. Anyone who sees that as a virtue is simply enabling evil and, by proxy, is evil themselves.”

― Steven Crowder

“If you want to practice Islam in the inconsequential, semi-secular sense, fine.”

― Steven Crowder

“President Obama… is a wimp.”

― Steven Crowder

“Comparing President Obama with the great leaders who have come before him is painful.”

― Steven Crowder

“When I see out-of-shape, overweight people huffing and puffing in the gym, my eyes well up with tears of pride. I want to walk over to them, hug them, and say, ‘Good on you for getting in here. It gets better!’ You know why? Because they’re challenging themselves.”

― Steven Crowder

“Hollywood, we get it. The Christian faith just doesn’t work for you ‘in the long run.’ However, for a large percentage of this country (the same country that makes your movies millions of dollars), it does. So please, for all of our sakes, keep your ‘beliefs to yourself’ and just ‘stop the hate.’”

― Steven Crowder

“I am consistently amazed at Sean Hannity’s inability to host his own show. He’s a dear, dear man – a very nice person… these liberals who aren’t even that smart just come in and absolutely bulldoze him like a child.”

― Steven Crowder

“I’m not saying Michael Moore’s smarter than Sean Hannity, but Michael Moore is better at running interviews than Hannity, even though Hannity’s running the interview!”

― Steven Crowder

“I spent a lot of my life afraid as a kid, even throughout high school.”

― Steven Crowder

“I think that if every Christian acted like Christ, the world would be a better place. If every Muslim acted like Muhammad, according to modern law, they would have to be jailed.”

― Steven Crowder

“You can be a namby-pamby leftie, a gun-toting neo-con, or a soft, indecisive moderate. I really don’t care. Just don’t lie to me.”

― Steven Crowder

“People can hold any opinion that they want on any subject that they choose. Just don’t proactively lie to people. It’s a simple request, really, and one that we don’t hear nearly enough.”

― Steven Crowder

“Joy Behar… Is never even funny accidentally.”

― Steven Crowder

“Have you ever noticed how hell-bent liberals are at making the United States seem inferior to other countries… to any country?”

― Steven Crowder

“I still can’t decide which is silliest; a person believing in a God who ‘isn’t there,’ or a person offended by a God whom he doesn’t believe exists.”

― Steven Crowder

“The painful truth is that in its attempt to remain ‘morally neutral,’ Hollywood is causing us to raise a nation of cads and harlots… Thanks again, Sean Penn!”

― Steven Crowder

“When Barack Obama tries to continually weasel his ever-expanding government into the private sector or does something like try to sneak the biggest backdoor tax in history into the books, he ceases to be ‘Presidential.’”

― Steven Crowder

“If I hadn’t been raised in such a logical household, the entertainment industry would have elicited only one reaction from me in regards to ‘Christians’: ‘Good God, these people are crazy.’”

― Steven Crowder

“We all know that Kim Jong-il is ‘buy-yourself-a-handgun’ crazy. It’s pretty much a given.”

― Steven Crowder

“Why on Earth would the United States ever want to be more like Europe? Correct me if I’m wrong, but we left, did we not? Not only did we leave that older, lesser world behind, but we left skid-marks along the way with an entire continent eating our proverbial dust.”

― Steven Crowder

“I guess as far as leftists are concerned, the United States can’t qualify as a ‘cultured society’ simply because we’ve actually created a society that works.”

― Steven Crowder

“If appeasing other nations means that we need to begin acting like them, you can count me out.”

― Steven Crowder

“For people who seem so hell-bent on multiculturalism, why can’t liberals understand that free enterprise/freedom is a part of the American Culture?”

― Steven Crowder

“One of my goals in life is to watch political correctness shrivel up and die (as it should be for any true conservative).”

― Steven Crowder

“My name is Steven Crowder, and I happen to find blatant gayness funny. I mean really funny.”

― Steven Crowder

“To a straight man, the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish-wearing, lispy dude is uproariously absurd. As people, we find absurdities funny. That’s our first step in making sense of them.”

― Steven Crowder

“I’m a pansy when compared to the men and women of the United States military.”

― Steven Crowder

“God bless America, God bless the troops.”

― Steven Crowder

“All I’m saying is that I rarely find myself pointing to Sean Penn’s love life thinking, ‘I want to be like that.’”

― Steven Crowder

“The mistake that all ‘long-term poor people’ make is putting others under a microscope in an attempt to set blame. That right there is a true loser’s mentality (or ‘poppycock’ if you will).”

― Steven Crowder

“Death is not only a passing on but a time for everyone else to truthfully reflect on one’s life.”

― Steven Crowder